Have you ever seen blue clouds in a grey sky

Ever felt everything crashing down on you all at the same time

Have you ever felt like you was drowning in emotions an couldn’t breathe

Ever wake up to a empty fridge with no food to eat

Depression is a bitch and she’ll kick your ass

I don’t think nobody should be alone when they’re sad

Growing up in my family stuff always went bad

An my mom did the best she could with what she had

I’m just so lost in this world an I want to be found

Very lost and empty an it’s breaking me down

I’m not gone lie my own thoughts scare me sometimes

I remember I was beyond suicidal back in 09

Being happy was never one of my strong suits

Faking it everyday is something I always do

I don’t wanna die it’s just sometimes I don’t want to exist

I know to a lot of people that probably makes no sense

People tend to fade but memories don’t

They cause so much hurt & pain but cannabis won’t

Drugs make me feel all numb inside

I rather be numb than in pain all the time

I’m fighting to be successful

I’m fighting to be happy

One day very soon

I believe it all will happen

Everybody always leaves

I don’t expect nobody to stay

People love to call me mean or cold hearted

It’s not my fault people made me this way

I use to be such a sweet kind hearted person

Until I realized people didn’t care they had me hurting

The Bible basically say being gay is a sin

I’m on the front row seat to hell and I don’t give a shit

I’ve done things in my life that I regret

I’ve said things to people I could never take back

Mistakes was made , lessons was learned

My scout feels like it’s on fire like I had a perm in for too long

I’m the devil walking in disguise

I’m a demon you can see it in my eyes

I show no fear, I show no mercy

There’s nothing nobody could do or say to hurt me

I love my family my mom is my world

My pops is cool but he was never really thurl

One time he took me to third-wheel with him and his side girl

While his wife , my mother was home on the couch eating popcorn

I was thinking damn was I wrong ?

I was only 5 or 6 how could I know what was really going on

But best believe I told my mom as soon as I got home

I’m trying to better myself

Maybe one day I’ll be a good person

I’m trying to have good health

Maybe one day my body will be perfect

I’m trying to be happy

But it never last

I’m trying and trying to not be sad

But I always seem to get mad so fast

I’m trying to grow into the women I know I can be

I just want my mom to be proud of me

I’m trying so hard to get my life on track

But every time I take one step forward I get knocked two steps back

I’m trying not to give up

I keep on trying but it’s like I got no luck

I’m trying to be more positive

But the negative thoughts keep getting in the way

I’m trying to get these demons out of me

That’s a battle I tend to fight everyday

In 2016 I met the perfect girl

She was everything I could ever ask for , she was my world

The way she would look and smile

Made my stomach do backflips about a hundred times

We had fit together so perfectly like a puzzle

But she wanted to argue too much she needed a muzzle

What I loved most about her was she always spoke her mind

Babygirl was a baddie yes she was a dime

She always watch me as I sleep

Woke up to plenty videos in my phone of her kissing me

Her name will forever be stitched into my heart

Till this day I still hate myself for ripping hers apart

I never meant to hurt her it wasn’t in my intentions

All the things I said while I was mad I swear I never meant it

But that doesn’t make it right

I just been beyond lost since she left my life

I just want her to be happy even if it’s not with me

Even though with me is where I always expected her to be

Things change and people grow apart

She been threw me out of her heart

I got her initials tattooed on me

I’ll never get it covered

Cause unlike her , in my heart she’ll always mean something

Im standing here looking at my reflection in a mirror

Opening my eyes to the world so I can see things clearer

Surrounded by negative people with negative thoughts

Always takes my mind to a place real dark

I can never seem to do anything right

I don’t see myself being successful in life

I’m not a good person nobody should want to know me

I can honestly say I’m my own enemy

I fail at everything I do I always give up

You have to be a shark in this world or it will eat you up

People always tell me I’m full of potential

But little do people know I’m just full of issues

Standing in the rain as it pours on my skin

Screaming to the sky when will it end

All the pain and suffering seems to just always last

As I take this breath I’m praying it’s my last

It’s going on 11yrs that you be gone

It hurt mommy real bad when you left her all alone

You was her best friend , her first born

Since that day her heart been torn

An it’s not your fault I know that

What makes me mad is that you never got no justice

I feel myself mad at the world an I really can’t help it

I can’t talk nor think about you without shedding some tears

Silently weeping wishing you was here

The fact I can barely remember you hurts the most

It’s like you never even existed like a ghost

The day you died my happiness died too

I’m drowning in my thoughts and don’t know what to do

Everyday I wake up still thinking your alive

Then reality hits me and I cant believe you really died

Over the years you would think the pain eased up

But over the years the pain is steady eating me up

One day in heaven we will meet again

Until then I say bye for now to my brother to the end

Life , sometimes I wonder am I living it right

If I die could I come back and live it twice

Would anybody notice if I wasn’t here

I honestly wonder if anyone would care

Dark clouds seems to always surround me

No matter how much I try to fake happy

So much hurt and pain I hide deep inside

Half of the time I feel like this world I won’t survive

I’m drowning in the middle of the ocean

Just laying there floating

At least that’s how I feel every second of everyday

Beyond tired of begging god to take the pain away

All I do is disappoint

My life ? Honestly there’s no point

Numbness inside is all I feel

Sometimes all the pain and hurt be too much to deal

I’m lost in a world full of predators

While I’m their prey

I’m gonna make myself a promise

That I’ll be happy one day it just won’t be today

Little Bobby just wanted to live his life right

Little Bobby just wanted to help his mom keep on the lights

Tired of seeing his mom struggling everyday

Little Bobby knew he had to find a way

Always was school smart never was street smart

But the books won’t help with the bills or pay for his lunch

Sad little Bobby always had a good heart

Till things started changing & his life fell apart

Cold summers , hot winters

Plenty of nights mom couldn’t afford dinner

Little Bobby was fed up and ready to become a man

Stood tall head held high ready to show the streets who he is

Little did he know the streets came with a price

It’s kill or be killed he out here risking his life

An it’s all for what ?

So his mom can pay the bills, so he can make a quick buck

Little Bobby ended up becoming a goon

Started touching some money now all the girls thirsty for him at school

Everybody thought Little Bobby was oh so cool

But he never let the hype get to him he wasn’t no fool

Cause when he was down & broke

Everybody treated Little Bobby like a joke

He had no hope , had no faith

Couldn’t buy new clothes or shoes , kids would laugh in his face

Since he got his money up he feel like a man

Gun posted on his hip while he moving grams

There’s still some things that little Bobby just don’t understand

Cause selling drugs & having a gun doesn’t make you a man

He got mixed up in the wrong things trying to help pay bills

All that book smart & good heart stuff ran for the hills

Word on the street little Bobby has a target on his head

The boys on his block wasn’t feeling his come up they wanted him dead

Once he heard the news about somebody wanting him killed

Man he got scared started stressing & popping pills

So he started realizing maybe it’s his time to kill

Cause he will not allow nothing or nobody to stop him from getting his family a meal

Little Bobby put a target out on whoever put a target on his head

It’s money in the mix so somebody gone end up dead

Little Bobby hearing a lot of chatter going on in the streets

It’s a lot of new guys now that’s packing some heat

Late night little Bobby on his way home with dinner for the fam

That’s when somebody walked up on him shot him right in the head

Next thing you know little Bobby was dead

I wish little Bobby never got into that life

But little Bobby was only trying to help his family live right.